A twin’s struggle to be ‘One and the Same’

In her new book, “One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I’ve Learned About Everyone’s Struggle to Be Singular,” author and former “60 Minutes” producer Abigail Pogrebin interviews countless twins for their hilarious and heartbreaking accounts of what it’s like to grow up with an identical sibling. Here’s an excerpt:

Embryo to end zone
Tiki Barber, retired running back for the New York Giants, knows that he wouldn’t be so famous if he wasn’t an identical twin whose brother, Ronde, is a star cornerback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

“Without even trying, people will take an extra look,” says Tiki, sitting in his office at NBC News, where he is now a correspondent for the TODAY show. Dapperly dressed in a striped pink-and-white shirt with cuff links, Barber is syrup-voiced and affable. “No twins have been as successful in professional football as we have. In sports, or any kind of endeavor, part of the reason you do it is for recognition; we got that notice by default, just because there’s two of us.”

I tell him his and Ronde’s looks don’t hurt (they were People mag­azine’s “Sexiest Athletes” in 2001).

“Yeah,” he says, smiling that brilliant Barber smile. “We take care of ourselves. We got a good education, we don’t get in trouble, and for many years we were both at the peak of our respective careers.”

When I meet Tiki’s brother, Ronde, a month later in Florida, he’s in his twelfth year with Tampa Bay. He saunters up to the family restaurant he’s recommended, dressed casually in jeans, a long-sleeved multicolored T-shirt, and aviator sunglasses. Both brothers are suave, obviously strong, and short for professional athletes — five ten. Both also appear guarded — a remnant, perhaps, of extreme childhood shy­ness, which they independently describe as paralyzing.

“We were very shy, to the point where, if I didn’t know you, I wouldn’t look at you, much less talk to you.” Tiki smiles. “So Ronde was my comfort, you know? We were always right next to each other because it made us feel comfortable. My mom used to say that we had this ‘twinspeak.’ All it really was, was mumbling and talking very low and intimating certain things; he understood what I was saying, because we had the same thoughts.”

“We wouldn’t talk to anybody,” Ronde confirms.

Which is not to suggest they’re bashful today.

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“There’s one thing I know about myself and Tiki: We have a very distinctive charm about us,” says Ronde. “I don’t pretend that’s not the case. I feel like I can charm anybody.”

No argument there.

“Not intentionally,” he continues. “It just kind of comes out — the Virginian in me, the politeness, the kind of person my mom raised us up to be. People love that.”

But he’s realistic about why he gets so much attention.

“I’ve said more than once, ‘If I didn’t have a successful twin as a running back for the New York Giants, how many people would really know about me?’ There is not a city in America that I can go in and people not think that I’m Tiki.”

Tiki doesn’t correct strangers when they call him Ronde. “Unless people ask if they’re mistaken, I let them think they got it right. They’ll call out, ‘Hey, Ronde, what’s up?’ I say, ‘Good!’ Unless it’s someone who I know knows Ronde. Then I’ll correct them. Other­wise, if they have no clue, I won’t.”

Ronde says his old timidity kicks in when he’s walking through an airport or visiting Tiki in Manhattan. “Part of me just wants to hide,” he tells me. “I just put my blinders on and walk fast.”

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Will he respond if someone calls out?

“I’ll respond. But if someone’s looking at me, trying to figure out which twin I am, I’ll just keep walking.”

Tiki is the Giants’ all-time leader in rushing and receptions. He amassed more total yards in his last three seasons than any other player in the league, setting most offensive records for the Giants, which got him voted three times into the Pro Bowl, the NFL’s annual all-star game. In 2005, Ronde became the first cornerback in NFL his­tory to record twenty career interceptions and twenty career sacks. He was voted to the Pro Bowl four times and chosen by the Associated Press for five All-Pro Team rosters (essentially an honor roll, not an actual team).

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I ask Tiki if, in the annals of football history, he or Ronde will be remembered as the bigger star. He pauses. “This is what Ronde likes to say, and it’s very true: ‘Tiki is the less-talented, more popular twin.’ As far as pure accomplishments, far and away, he’s better than me. He’s always been a better athlete than me. But I was always faster, stronger, and I played the glory position. So people knew who I was, simply because I was a running back. I did an interview with Ronde for "Foot­ball Night in America" three weeks ago, and the last question I asked him was, ‘Are you where you are because of me?’ And he basically replied, ‘If I wasn’t your brother, I’d still have been a great cornerback, but I wouldn’t have gotten any recognition. Because there are a ton of great cornerbacks that nobody knows.’ So I say to him, ‘You owe it all to me!’ ”

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