Screams on a plane: How to quell tantrums

Laura T. Coffey • Profile • E-mail

Small children and airplane flights: The mere mention of those two concepts in the same sentence is enough to make many parents — and many airline passengers — cringe. It’s common for moms and dads of babies and toddlers to approach flights with extreme humility and trepidation. After all, so many things can go wrong while trapped way up there in the sky with absolutely no escape.

Want to have some tools in your arsenal to help you steer small children away from major meltdowns in confined public places? We’re talking flights, slow-moving store checkout lines, waiting rooms at doctors’ offices — places that simply don’t provide easy escape routes.

Here are several ideas shared by veteran moms and by Dr. Harvey Karp, the guru pediatrician who gave us “The Happiest Baby on the Block” and “The Happiest Toddler on the Block” books and DVDs. If you have additional ideas, please — please! — share them here. Armed with this information, may none of us be at an utter loss for how to kill time with a small child in a 17-by-30-inch space for one to eight hours ever again!

1. Get thee to the dollar store. If you’ve got a flight in your future, the dollar store can be your salvation. Take a childless spin through the store with the mission of spending $9 to $12 on silly little toys and books that your child will like and — this is key — that your child HAS NEVER, EVER SEEN BEFORE. Wait until you’re on the airplane to do the “reveal.” “Don’t have them all in one bag, or they’ll want ALL of them at same time,” Dr. Karp advised. “Hide them in different places. This will make it a little more interesting and exciting for your child.” Depending on what you pick up, each $1 toy or book can buy you anywhere from five to 20 minutes of engrossed playing and fiddling time. Priceless!

2. Plan other unexpected surprises. Mind-blowing options abound and can be pulled together on the cheap, often with odds and ends you already have at home. Some ideas:

• Fill little plastic Easter eggs with random nuggets of distraction. Balled-up, colorful paper can do the trick. So can cut-out pictures from magazines and coloring books. (Depending on your child’s age, beware of filling eggs with items that could become choking hazards.)

• Flipbooks or coloring books can keep older toddlers happily occupied for quite a while.

• Slinkies are always fun — and quiet!

• Stickers and sticker books are exciting — especially if your little one is being introduced to the wonders of stickers for the very first time.

• Got some construction paper? Got a glue stick? Try cutting up a whole bunch of strips of colorful construction paper before your trip and storing them away in a top-secret plastic baggie. On the plane, whip out the baggie and use the glue stick to string the strips of paper together in a long paper chain. A good mom friend of mine shared this idea with me, and she swears this activity can be hypnotic.

Getty Images stock She's happy now, but she could blow her stack at any moment. That's why it's so important for parents to travel with oodles of smart snacks, beverages and distraction-aiding devices.

3. Be a master storyteller. Don’t forget that one of the ways to mystify a small child is to tell stories in an animated way. You can craft tales about where you’re going, whom you’ll see and what you’ll do when you get there. You can make up stories about the adventures your luggage is having in the belly of the aircraft. And if you’re too fried to think of anything along these lines, remember that new picture books are usually quite exciting. Try bringing a mix of new, never-seen-before books along with favorite standbys. Hand puppets also could be used to dazzle your child with stories and running commentary about the flight. (Heck, in a pinch you could even turn the little air-sickness bag in the seat flap in front of you into a puppet who spins yarns about the wonders of air travel. And those diagrams showing how to exit the plane in the event of an emergency always mystify my son for several minutes.)

4. Don’t blow your arsenal all at once. Yes, flying with all of this stuff can make you look like a bona-fide bag lady — or bag man — and yes, it can get heavy. But it’s worth it. If you’re flying with your partner or another loved one or friend, spread your ammunition out between you in the biggest carry-on bags you can stand to haul. “Try not to pull out all your weapons right at the beginning of the trip,” Dr. Karp said. “Pace yourself a little bit. ... Remember, you’re putting them under very unusual circumstances. You have to give to get.”

Vote and discuss

5. Speak their language. Dr. Karp is a huge advocate of empathizing with where little ones are coming from and seeing things from their perspective. In his “Happiest Toddler on the Block” book and DVD, for example, he teaches parents how to nip tantrums in the bud by acknowledging how kids are feeling and speaking “toddlerese” to them in just the right way. (Brilliant stuff!) He also recommends “gossiping” with others nearby — your travel partners, friendly passengers — about what a GOOD JOB your child is doing with different aspects of the flight. (Apparently kids, just like adults, love to overhear someone genuinely praising them.) All of these smart tactics can be strategically employed throughout the course of a flight, no matter how long or short.

6. Time feedings correctly. A hungry baby, toddler or child is almost by definition a cranky child. To keep kids happy, you have to keep them fed and watered. World-traveled moms I know have recommended delaying feedings for two to three hours or so before the flight takes off, if feasible. Once you’re situated in your airplane seat, pull out a minifeast of foods your child loves so much that they’re bound to keep him or her occupied for at least a little while. (Avoid anything too sugary, even if it falls into the “favorite” category, simply because your kid may unavoidably start bouncing off the walls. Caffeinated colas and iced teas also are big no-no’s, Dr. Karp said.) If you suspect that your child will turn up his or her nose at airport or airplane food, make and bring favorite items from home. Do whatever you have to do to avoid having a battle of wills with your child over eating an undesired food item. 

7. Go a little crazy with the foods you bring. This is one time when it might make sense to blow money on gimmicky foods and drinks that you don’t usually buy — again, just so long as the stuff isn’t too sugary or caffeine-laden. Your child may be astonished and thrilled when you whip out fruit snack packs or fruit roll-ups emblazoned with his or her favorite cartoon characters. It’s a party!

8. Hydrate at the right time. Let your child have a drink whenever he or she needs it, of course, but try to reserve at least some precious liquids — breast milk, bottled milk or what have you, served up in a favorite cup or other beverage-delivery device — for takeoffs and landings, when kids’ ears really can bother them. Many moms have pointed out that landings tend to be more uncomfortable than takeoffs, but get to know your child’s quirks so you can be prepared for ear pain and can swoop in and provide some relief via swallowing.

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